An Ordinary Mystic

I want to thank Joe, and each of you for the opportunity to preach this morning. Preaching always forces me to examine my life in a way that I am not prone to do amid the stresses of everyday life and work. Preaching forces me to examine my life in the light of the gospel and to look for evidence that I'm living in accordance with what I profess to believe which is that this is not just some random collection of elements, that there is some meaning, some value to this existence beyond itself, that the kingdom of God is both here and now and yet to come in its fulfillment and that life in fact goes on beyond these brief moments we spend together.

I don't claim to live in perfect accord with God's word, anyone who knows me knows that's not the case. I do claim to be intimately acquainted with the compassion and forgiveness of an infinite and loving God. And I know from my own mistakes and miss-steps that redemption is always at hand.

It is difficult to see the world around us and not believe that Jesus is talking about the world today. It is difficult to acknowledge the horrors happening in Iraq, Lebanon, Palestine, Sudan and other places in our world and not be overcome with despair. It is difficult to face the prospect of climate change and not faint with fear and foreboding at what is coming into world. But Jesus tells us that when we see these things we should stand up and raise our heads, because our redemption is at hand.

Jesus says, look at the trees, once they sprout leaves, we know that soon it will be summer. Bob Dylan put it this way, "you don't need a weatherman to know which way to wind blows." When Jesus said, "There will be signs in the sun, the moon, and on the earth distress among nations …" I don't think he was talking about future. I think he was saying "wake-up, look around, things have to change." I think Jesus was referring to our natural or unredeemed state, that part of us that is driven by appetites and desires that are unenlightened by compassion or intellect. Jesus was referring to here and now and the illusion that we are separate from the earth and separate from one another.

My great-grandfather fought in the Spanish American war. My grandparents were teenagers during the First World War and a young married couple during the Depression. My father joined the Navy after high school during World War II. I was raised in the shadow of Hiroshima, made my first communion the spring before the Cuban missile crisis and grew up playing Green Berets vs. Viet Kong. And Jesus says when you see these things, take heart because they are signs that the kingdom of God is near.

When I think about these things, my life and the history of my ancestors, it seems like it would be easy to despair and to see life as fleeting and meaningless in the face of such unspeakable and relentless violence, hardship, and threat. But I don't, I remain hopeful, and optimistic. Things can change, things do change, and things will change. I believe that we, and our children, and our children's children can solve the intractable problems that have plagued our species since its inception which are how to live peacefully with one another, the species that share our planet, and the planet itself.

To quote John F. Kennedy, "we hold in our mortal hands the power to end all forms of human poverty, and all forms of human life."

By the time I was 14, through the miracle of television I had witnessed the assassinations of President Kennedy, his brother Bobby and Dr. King. I'd seen Watts, Harlem, and Detroit go up in flames, and watched as police used attack dogs to disburse peaceful demonstrators in Selma, Alabama. And then one day depressed and anxious over what I perceived to be my inevitable failure on a Latin exam that was to come the next day, I did something risky and foolish. I went swimming in a gravel pit with my buddies after school. A gang of us, were diving from the ledges left by the excavation. It got crowded and someone dove in on top of me, so I convinced my buddy Jeff to come with me and explore for new places to dive from. After checking a couple potential spots I chose one I knew to be at the outer limits of my abilities, and a few moments later I was floating face down in the water, completely paralyzed. And Jesus says that the kingdom of God is at hand.

This is the point where I always feel the need to apologize for being a one note Johnny, or as Paul Simon would call it a one trick pony because every time I preach I always seem to talk about my injury and my disability but that is the gospel I have been given but, I know because of that experience, that the kingdom is at hand.

Jesus doesn't promise us a life free from pain or misfortune but Jesus does promise us that if we love one another as we love ourselves we will live in a kingdom where the poor are blessed and the meek shall live in abundance. Jesus promises us that if we believe in redemption, if we believe in miracles, if we believe that he lives and that our lives are joined with his and the creator, and the holy spirit we shall indeed shall see the kingdom of God.

As we enter this time of reflection and renewal we are challenged to consider the world around us with and without the intervention of God. I believe that this world is more than the sum of its parts, a collection of elements. I believe that frail and fallible humans can come together in the ways that it will require for us to save our planet because I believe in an infinite and loving God who has called us each into being. I believe that individually and collectively we have purpose and that the same God who has created us calls us to share in the continuing creation of our world.

So why do I believe these things you may be asking. I believe them because in the weeks and months following my injury my dad and my sister who are here today took turns spending the night beside my bed reading to me, sometimes my sister would get me to sing and we would sing together. I believe that an infinite and loving God is present among us today because not once has my father ever mentioned the emotional or financial devastation my poor judgment caused. My mother had the day shift and put her career as a painter and teacher on hold, first to be by my bedside and then to become for many years my primary caregiver. She would tell me that God had some purpose in mind for me.

And it wasn't just family who made the kingdom reality and my life. It was Al Oliver, the orderly on midnight shift. Al, one of the kindest and gentlest people I've ever known was just back from Vietnam. He would save his lunch and breaks and take them at 4 AM when my father would need to head home for a quick nap before showering and heading to work. Al said that he remembered standing guard in the wee hours of the morning and how lonely and scared he felt. He would pull up a chair and sit by the head of my bed, sometimes we would talk, usually just knowing he was there was all I needed to get back to sleep.

And there was Jim, the college kid in the bed next to me who befriended me. For the next couple years Jim would show up periodically with a bag of burgers or tacos, transfer me into his car, throw my wheelchair in the trunk and take me to free concerts in East Lansing.

And there was Bob, the factory worker who spent the summer in the bed across the room from me and became part of our family. Bob financed countless pizzas and orchestrated more trips to the drive in movie for my friends and I then I can remember.

There was a World War II veteran who'd seen some of the bloodiest fighting in Italy who spent a week in a bed across the room. I don't recall his name but he took the time to send me a letter after he was discharged to tell me that he thought I had a lot of intestinal fortitude. At 14 I had to ask what that meant and swelled with pride when it was explained to me.

We don't have time for me to even begin to recount all of the affirmation I have received as a result of my injury and disability. My point is that was those experiences of support and affirmation have convinced me that the kingdom is here now and yet to come in its fulfillment.

Physicists tell us that nothing exists that was not intended. Or in the words of my son Trevor, "it's all good." We only think that we are separate from God. We only think that we are separate from one another. The miracle of the loaves and fishes, is not that Jesus was some sort of magician like David Copperfield or Chris Angel who magically made bread and fish appear. The miracle of the loaves and fishes is that Jesus inspired a crowd of people most of whom lived with constant hunger to share what little they had and in that sharing experience the abundance of the kingdom.

Dr. Depak Chopra tells us that our consciousness is not the result of our biology but the other way around. Our biology is a result of our consciousness. A consciousness that we share with Jesus, the Creator, and the Holy Spirit. Everything is as intended for our redemption. And when we share the consciousness of Jesus we are redeemed and become instruments of redemption for those around us. When we share the consciousness of Jesus we share the humility of the Creator become incarnate to share in the experience of the created. And when we share that intention, that desire to affirm those around us as Jesus did we create the kingdom.

Posted by Don at 04:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

It seems like it's been about a year since Bryan set this up for me. Thank you Bryan! All I had was/is the concept: anordinarymystic. I live in an existential universe. Anyhow, it's been a great gift. I'm still unwrapping it and finding my way into it. It's been a place to reveal myself and explore my thoughts. For a while I wandered around the abyss looking for meaning and leaving a trail of words, until they collapsed under their own weight and became indistinguishable from the chaos around them. The experience has taught me that diversity is an essential condition of life.

One great thing about this medium is that it is an undefined reality, a digital frontier that both emerges and recedes with each bit of data. It is a quantum reality where cause does not necessarily precede effect and explanations are not necessarily linear. I know from exerting myself upon the ether, insinuating myself into the Internet, that reality is by nature diverse and that realities that are less diverse, are less likely to sustain life as abundantly as more diverse realities. In other words, I believe that diversity functions as a measure of an environment's ability to sustain itself.

Therefore, this being the arbitrary anniversary of anordinarymystic.com, it seems only fitting to offer the following State of Diversity Address. And the state of diversity from this perspective is hostage.

Diversity is hostage to the politics of identity, the politics of color, the politics of gender, the politics of ability, the politics of age. Diversity is drawn and quartered daily by an unruly mob of past injustices, of wounds and hurts so painful and so private that we cannot look at the man behind the curtain with his hand up our skirts, down our pants, on our backs, picking our pockets, stealing our dreams with candied celebrations, trinkets and baubles, brighter shiner newer, prettier glorifications of the examples we make exceptions when we hold them out for hope. But color is not cash, and race is not reparations. We are not race, we are not gender, we are not ability or age, we are, we the people, all the people, all the time and only those labels when we offer or accept anything less.

Posted by Don at 04:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Life

Life is a stream of consciousness flowing through an infinite sea of possibility endlessly becoming.

"The path to the palace of wisdom is paved with excess." William Blake

"I would never recommended drugs and alcohol to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

"Make your own decisions." Me

What's your plan?

Posted by Don at 06:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (14) | TrackBacks (0)

Mornings are the best. A hot shower, liquid sunshine. A warm hug from the universe. From 1968 when I broke my neck, until 1983 when I moved into a wheelchair accessible room in Owen Graduate Center, at Michigan State University I lived without an accessible bath or shower. Consequently, most days I washed up in a basin with a pitcher of hot water. I showered once a week at most. Now I have a beautiful accessible home, with a roll in shower that is almost as large as my entire room was in the Graduate Center. Each morning when the hot water hits the back of my neck and cascades down my shoulders, I know everything will be OK. Its all good.

What's your favorite simple pleasure?

Posted by Don at 10:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

I ran across the following while preparing for the University Diversity Council (EMU) retreat and doing a web search for the term "most significant environmental challenges."

Congressional Testimony: China's Environmental Challenges

Author: Elizabeth C. Economy , C.V. Starr Senior Fellow and Director for Asia Studies, House International Affairs Committee. The article links the environmental devastation currently taking place in China in the wake of its economic boom with changing U.S. weather patterns. One cannot possibly fail to recognize the connection between the outmoded values of capitalism and imperialism that have led us down a perilous path to the brink of global ruin.

Our only hope is a global society based on the values of inclusion and access. We can no longer afford to view the human enterprise as a zero-sum game. If everyone doesn't win we will all most certainly lose.

Posted by Don at 09:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

"So what is the most significant challenge you face in day-to-day life?" The question was posed to me by Ted Kennedy Jr. following a Chamber of Commerce economic club luncheon, and it caught me totally off guard despite the fact that both on his web site and in his speech he had expressed an interest in collecting answers to that very question from individuals with disabilities to inform his work on their behalf.

I work at Eastern Michigan University, a midsize public university, directing services for students with disabilities and was privileged to attend the event as the guest of our new president, John Fallon. I was in the fifth grade when President Kennedy was assassinated. I'd grown-up with the space program, and the president's fitness campaign and I remember being vaguely aware that he had a sister with a developmental disability. Later of course after I acquired a disability I learned more about the Kennedy family's commitment to the liberation of individuals with disabilities in general. In fact, much of the passion that drives my own career comes from the pride, self-esteem, and compassion that were engendered by the ideals of “Camelot.” I do not know the origin of the axiom that if one is not part of the solution, one is part of the problem but I have always associated it with that era, the Kennedy family, and the Peace Corps.

Frankly, I hadn't given much thought to the challenges in my life for a long while. Don't get me wrong. Life is hard. There is a difference between hard and challenging. Challenging implies a possibility of success, achievement, overcoming. Hard is to be endured. It just is. I am in pain most of the time. The limitations imposed by my disability are compounded by the inherent unreliability of complex technological systems (e.g. powered wheelchairs and adapted vehicles) and my reliance on cheap labor to provide the care and assistance I need to maintain my independence and productivity. If I saw all of that as a personal challenge I would own personal responsibility for overcoming it and that would be devastatingly overwhelming because there is no way that I can overcome those challenges on a personal level without overcoming them on a social level.

I've been doing this for a long time now. I have a solid network of personal assistants, and I know how and where to find reliable help. I earn enough that with a subsidy from the state I'm able to compensate them adequately, but not fairly given the importance of their services. Without the subsidy and my job I'd forced into a nursing home where the World Institute on Disability estimates my life expectancy would be about 18 months, but as long as they both continue my life works pretty well. Challenging? Not really. Stressful but not difficult, I get tired of the complexity, and instability but I simply do not have the financial resources to insulate myself any further from those realities and besides everything is relative. Over time anything can become familiar, seem normal and my life to me is just that ordinary. And on a comparative basis it all depends on your point of reference, "challenging" as my life might be, on a global scale I live a life of relative ease.

If there is a challenge it is in maintaining the emotional energy to remain positive and keep believing that things will continue to become easier in the face of the constant erosion of self that it requires to be dependent on others for so much. Good personal assistants, like good professionals in any field care about what they do and want to do a good job. They put themselves into their work and that's where things get challenging. Imagine needing to negotiate which parts get washed in what sequence when you shower, or getting your hair just right when you can't demonstrate exactly what you want done. Sure there's always the option of requiring strict adherence to a written protocol but generally that has the effect of diminishing the care and enthusiasm committed people bring to a job and often results in high of turnover. By the time I get to the office, I've been doing direct supervision for three or four hours. And once I'm there, there are other professionals and a half-dozen student workers to supervise, not to mention committees and councils and a whole world that runs on compromise. Challenging, maybe. I prefer to think of it as an opportunity.

There is no doubt expectations influence outcomes and if I see my life as challenging, it will be challenging. If I see it filled with opportunities, I will experience opportunities. That's how I manage my disability I look for the opportunities it presents. My disability affords me an appreciation of the fragile and precarious nature of life, and the importance of living each day and each moment to the fullest. Many of the attributes I like best in myself have developed directly out of the realities of my disability. My career and the opportunity to make a difference, to be part of the solution, come directly from the experience of my disability.

Several years ago I began extending my search for the opportunity inherent in disability into my work. Curb-cuts and power door operators seem like obvious examples of how the inclusion of persons with disabilities benefits nondisabled people as well in our society. I am a firm believer that as we become more accessible and more inclusive we all benefit, disabled and nondisabled alike. Recently I had been advocating for additional resources to encourage students with disabilities to become more involved in the recreational and intramural opportunities on our campus and to support their participation so when the invitation from President Fallon arrived, I was ecstatic. Instantly I saw an opportunity to present my ideas to someone who I knew would understand their compelling nature.

I also suspected that people were pushing compelling ideas at Mr. Kennedy wherever he went with the same zeal as the drug dealers I encountered in Times Square back in the 1980s, but I couldn't let that stop me. I've never been afraid of competition. For several weeks I worked on drafting a vision of how the increased participation of students with disabilities in our recreational and intramural programs would benefit them, nondisabled students, and the University community in general. Understanding the importance of brevity I manicured it down to one page. I didn't know that I would get to meet Mr. Kennedy. I certainly hoped I would, and if I did I wanted to be prepared.

The same week that I received President Fallon's invitation I'd also taken possession of a new wheelchair. The longer one sits down the more important comfort becomes and the harder it is to achieve. I was thrilled with the new chair which is the most comfortable I've had, and after 37 years of sitting down that's very important. Unfortunately it does not interface properly with my adapted minivan for me to drive. I knew that was a possibility when I ordered it, and that it would be a close call. My minivan is nearing the end of its useful life anyway. Luckily, I could still be a passenger so I'd asked a friend of mine to drive me to the luncheon, which was being held at our corporate education center several miles off the main campus. He's always late. The luncheon was at noon so I told him to pick me up at 10:30 AM.

While I waited for my ride I thought about what I would say to Mr. Kennedy if I had the opportunity to meet him. I was certain he must have people soliciting him wherever he went and I didn't want to be perceived as just another obsequious sycophant but it was worth risking that because the opportunity was so much greater than any potential threat to my pride. The appointed time came and went, my friend didn't show up. A half an hour went by, then an hour. My friend showed up at a quarter to 12. I was nearly apoplectic, at least on the inside. On the outside I managed to maintain some composure but on the inside I was totally freaked out. Here was this amazing opportunity, not only was I going to be a guest of the President I was to join him at his table, and I was going to arrive late.

We pulled up in front of the Eaglecrest corporate education center and I exited the van full speed like some sort of technological special ops commando. The vice president for communications was waiting just inside the door looking anxious but she remained cheerful and gracious as we moved briskly toward the event. It took a conscious effort to override the impulse to hurry on ahead. Just as we turned a corner, there was President Fallon talking with Mr. Kennedy as a photographer snapped pictures, and three or four other people looked on chatting among themselves. Embarrassed and flustered I felt like abandoning my mission of speaking with Mr. Kennedy about the case statement for the adaptive sports and inclusion initiative I'd been dreaming up. We spoke briefly, I introduced myself and mentioned that I would like to speak with him about a project I had in mind and then it was time for us to be seated and he to be introduced.

Once we were seated I was put at ease by the graciousness of President Fallon and his wife. I knew several other people at the table and the conversation was easy and interesting. Someone from the chamber of commerce briefly went over the agenda indicating that our speaker would be Mr. Kennedy, and lunch was served. After we ate Mr. Kennedy spoke, he was of course eloquent and his message compelling, but then with me in the audience he was preaching to the choir and I thought about the similarities between his speech and my usual shtick. There was a question-and-answer period following and then after a few closing remarks from chamber officials the event began to breakup. Immediately a line of people wanting to speak with Mr. Kennedy or have their pictures taken with him began to form. Approximately 500 people had attended the luncheon and the tables were placed closely together, without a crew of movers there was no way to get from the side of the room where we were seated to Mr. Kennedy's table without exiting and returning through another entrance. I saw an opportunity in the delay. I figured if I was last in line our conversation might be less pressured than if a line of people were waiting.

Except for the waitstaff clearing the tables the hall was pretty much empty as I approached the moment of our second encounter. Mr. Kennedy pulled up a chair and sat down directly in front of me loosening his tie. "So what's the most significant challenge you face in your day-to-day life?"

Despite the fact that he had just said during his speech that wherever he goes he likes to ask people with disabilities that question, I was unprepared to respond. I told him that after 37 years I didn't think my disability was particularly challenging, I talked about our efforts to figure out the best ways to accommodate individuals with mental illness on our campus which was something I found challenging and launched into my pitch and the importance of recreation in combating prejudice. He listened patiently and with obvious interest. He was even understanding of the fact that I had encountered computer problems that morning and not been able to print my precious case statement and asked me to be sure to send it to him but he seemed disappointed. I felt that he had very much wanted to hear about the challenges in my life, and that he expected to find in my answer something that would help him in his work to end the oppression of persons with disabilities.

It took a couple of weeks and repeated phone calls to get the e-mail address of a vice president with the management company that represents Mr. Kennedy and receive confirmation that my case statement for the adaptive sports and inclusion initiative had been given to him. That was the last I heard about the matter. It's not the first time I've let my focus and zeal run roughshod over the genuine concerns and interests of another. In retrospect, I should have been looking for an opportunity to assist Mr. Kennedy in accomplishing his agenda, not merely one to further my own. My life has never been short on opportunities to learn humility.

After several months of pondering his question, I think that the most significant challenge posed by my disability in day-to-day life is convincing others that it represents an opportunity or rather a continuous stream of opportunities: opportunities to become stronger, opportunities to be more flexible, more patient, more understanding and ultimately perhaps more human. Among the many false dualities perpetuated by our society is the notion that one is either disabled or nondisabled when the reality is that human ability exists along an infinite continuum defined by an infinite sea of variables like age, class, physical environment, and privilege. As long as we continue to think of disability as a source of challenges we will find it challenging. When we come to understand and accept disability as an inherent feature of the human condition, then perhaps we will have the opportunity to create a society that anticipates and provides for the participation of individuals with the broadest array of human abilities and characteristics conceivable.

Posted by Don at 10:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

The confidence of a quiet mind grows exponentially inward ever reaching toward the source to the light from within beyond fear past other to a new day another dream promises fulfilled like dandelions dancing in the wind above a park bench that reads this space available call now offer expires without notice you could become our next grand prize winner thinner sinner spinner says send Jesus $500 and he'll make you slimmer use only as directed discontinue if contraindicated syndicated or unnecessarily complicated.

Posted by Don at 09:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Doing my best to be all that I am so the what is dark will be brought to light in me where I stand eternally on the cusp of a new era and grace shines redemption like a star!

Happy holidays to friends and family near and far.

Love,
Don

Posted by Don at 12:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

This time of year, when the days are short and the cold even more so than the summer heat forces me to remain indoors, it is easy to feel cut off and isolated when in fact I am deeply embedded in an extensive web of love and concern. I think of all of those who help me, and of those that I have had the privilege to have touched, hopefully more often for the better and understand, that loneliness and isolation are as illusory as connectedness. There is no I. There is no we. There is now.

Posted by Don at 08:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

1. Shit happens.

2. Shit piles up.

3. Shit rolls downhill.

Did I forget anything?

Posted by Don at 07:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

The one question that almost always comes up whenever I do disability awareness programs is, "is it alright to help?" On the surface, it seems like a pretty silly question to me, but I do understand people's reticence. Of course there is the media stereotype of the angry cripple protesting, "I can do it myself." But I think it goes deeper than that. While I think some people are sincerely interested in not violating the dignity or independence of someone who has a disability by offering assistance, I think the majority are motivated by a fear of rejection. Let's face it nobody likes to offer help and be told it's not needed, especially in public. But wouldn't it be a much nicer world if any time any of us saw anyone struggling with anything we could feel free to offer assistance without worrying about being rejected or embarrassed, or even about whether or not it is alright to offer to help? Of course the keyword in all this is, "offer."

Most of the people I know who are blind have had the experience of being dragged across a street they did not intend to cross by a well-meaning stranger. And many of my friends who are paraplegics and use manual wheelchairs have experienced sprained wrists and fingers when equally well-meaning and equally unenlightened people have come up behind them and given an unannounced assist without asking first. Assistance that is given without first being offered, is assault and most of us would never think of doing it, but it does happen and it may be the subject of a future rant. What I want to do here is to make it a little easier to offer assistance the next time you see someone struggling with something, whether they have a disability or not and in order to do that I've postulated the existence of what I call The Asshole Factor.

I think that out of all the people who have ever assisted me or offered to assist me, at most 15% have been individuals who forced their assistance on me wanted or unwanted without asking. And that out of all the times people have offered me assistance, which is a considerable number after 37 years of using a wheelchair, maybe 15% of the time I have declined our responded that I would prefer to do it myself. There was a time I was much younger and felt inferior because of my disability, mostly when I was new to the chair and working very hard at re-establishing my independence when I didn't always respond appropriately to genuine offers of assistance. And that out of all the people with disabilities I've known both in my personal life and after nearly 20 years of working in disability related fields maybe 15% have been so fiercely independent, angry or otherwise maladapted that they would consistently respond negatively to any offer of assistance. Therefore to sum up my experience The Asshole Factor postulates that:

15% of the population will always be assholes
15% of any subgroup of the population will always be assholes
15% of the time we are all assholes.

Everybody is entitled to a bad day, if you offer assistance and someone responds inappropriately don't assume that person would always respond the same way or that that individual's response is necessarily representative of all individuals who look like that person.

What it boils down to is whether we want to live in a world where we all standby and watch people struggle because there is 15% chance that if we offer assistance someone might respond negatively, or if instead we choose to create a world where any time any of us sees anyone struggling with anything we feel free to offer a helping hand.

Posted by Don at 01:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)